Brain Farts of the Maggot King

What ever happened to laser guns and warp speed?

If I were around to witness the moon landing in 1969, I would have been beyond thrilled.  Really, it is one of the most monumental moments of human achievement throughout our existence – stepping foot on another world.  Only centuries before, we were burning people because they said the Earth wasn’t the center of the universe, and there we were – our first step to the stars.

But I’m confused, and were I around for that and still around today, would be even more confused.  That occurred almost forty three years ago – nearly half a century.  I would have guessed that, by this point, not only would we have traveled to Mars – but be working on the moons of Jupiter, if not further.  Or, at very least, have a rather badass space-city built with space-travel not being an uncommon experience for the average person.  I imagine my perception then of space travel in 2012 would have been far more incredible than what it is today, and would find myself even more highly disappointed than I already do.

Yet here we are, and what have we accomplished?  Better telescopes, some rovers, and essentially what could be called deep space cameras.  Not only lame, but lame beyond lame.  Not only that, but it isn’t projected that we will step on Mars at least until the 2030s, if not later (and I can guarantee it will be the Europeans who do it, not NASA).  We’re talking approximately seventy if not more years since stepping foot on the moon.  What the hell?  And seriously, where are our blasters?  At least something with stun capability?

NASA of course is crumbling, and like I implied, the Europeans will likely be the ones to take the charge in the future of space exploration as NASA slowly fades out.  Even Obama in his “brilliance” canceled the Constellation Program, with snide remarks about already having been to the moon, without actually understanding what the hell the point of the program was and how it could be useful for future space travel.  Change I can believe in, I just don’t want to.  Thanks for dropping trou on our space program, ass.

I will not be satisfied until a fire is lit under someone’s ass and we’re doing awesome crap in space, and no, the International Space Station does not constitute “awesome crap.”  Mediocre symbolic crap at best.  I want warp travel before I die damn it, and I want a lightsaber – a purple one like Mace Windu.  Not much to ask.  GET ON IT, SCIENTISTS!

The final solution

I hate them, every one of them with a passion.  They all should be rounded up and suffer a horrible and painful execution at the hands of the state.  And if you’re thinking I’m talking about a group of humans, you’re a heartless turd – we rock way too hard as a species, and genocide against humans (in true seriousness) is not something amusing, it’s abhorrent.  No, I’m talking about the actual problem which causes all the rest of the problems in the world.  Bats.

This post comes from the fact that one lives in my attic.  Have I seen it?  No – but the little squeak like sound is distinguishable from that of a mouse or a rat, and if you hate something enough, you know exactly what it sounds like.  I don’t intend on approaching it in any way – I suspect come spring it’ll go out however it got in and that will be it.  Actually, the only reason I suspect it is active in January is due to the fact that fall has never seemed to end even though we should have snow and crap by now.  Yay for global warming, this being proof it’s an obvious conspiracy and part of the bat agenda!  For now, I’m like that girl in Paranormal Activity after her boyfriend found that picture of her as a child that was burnt by a demon, in the attic over their bedroom.  Except demons are more pleasant and less evil than bats.

Unlike her, I give in to my fear, I allow it to morph into hatred – my hatred gives me focus, power.  I’m all about love, but when it comes to bats, I have turned to the dark side.  Vader has nothing on me.  Now, where I live, we’re likely talking more specifically about the small brown bat (know your enemy).  Unfortunately for me, despite mein own kampf, I cannot kill (or torture for hours on end) the bastard since it’s endangered (oh boo hoo.  I hope the damn things all die off.), and considering, it’s a $5000 fine for me to righteously and brutally end the life of one.  And being that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life if I die Sunday, I’m not interested in coughing up that kind of dough. Though I’ll probably never encounter it personally and this will all be a non-issue anyway, I do have a friend who I know would vehemently take it upon himself to end the bat, and it’s not like I’d go out of my way to stop him if he tried.

                                                                A friend.

I say get rid of the stupid fine, and exterminate them all swiftly and systematically.  The fact that I had to go all Neo from The Matrix while walking down the stairs to my apartment a few years ago because one of these bastards wanted my face is reason enough.  I can already hear people crying “but they keep the insect population down and ecosystems and they’re cute and I like crying over the demon-spawn of hell!”  Yeah, well we’re humans, therefore badass.  We’re ingenuitive.  I’m sure there’s some kind of radass bug-zappers we can invent or something, we’re creative enough to come up with the solution.  But now is not the time to worry about such petty things, this crisis must be dealt with.

Wannabe-bird dinkuses, and the stupid, soft, weak government they’ve infiltrated which protects them.

Worth mentioning

Some people, a lot of people, get their tumblr rocks off by posting random pictures and videos - which is fine with me, but just isn’t my thing.  I started this like that and it seems so… pointless (like using the internet in general).  So I’m actually start making my own posts, about things.  Thought I’d warn you.